A Failed Romance
Hafsa Shorish January 21, 2007
Tags: love , romance , heartache
He was a swarthy, handsome lad with a respectable height, husky voice and a boyish, round face. His name was Mustafa and he was proud of it. To him, his name held the connotations of elegance, charm, serenity, and integrity. He was young and sagacious, merely eighteen years of age. He was a patient listener
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and an avid learner. He walked with an athletic grace, outstandingly excelled at his studies, was domineeringly popular among his fellows and had a charismatic yet down-to-earth personality. He had the arrogance of a Greek God, decency of a nobleman,, conformity of a bourgeois and the resoluteness of a rebel.On a cold Sunday morning, he was solemnly leaning against the grey wall, mindlessly tapping his feet to the melancholic tune of colorless raindrops falling on the window sill of his unusually dingy room. His head was slightly bent downwards engrossed in disturbing thoughts and he had wrapped his arms around himself as if he was hugging his own body in a child-like manner. His eyes were holding a bizarre despondency and an emptiness which was insanely deep and insane. A kind of emptiness that can seep through out inner most beings and make us feel pertinaciously guilty or ruthlessly shattered for some unknown reasons. It was a strange day for Mustafa. He was awkwardly quiet like the sound of deafening silence and truly sad like the cry of an inconsolable grief. He was in love for the first time. How, why and when did he fall in love was still an enigma to him. If he knew the answers before, he might not have landed in this world of doe-skin fantasies, comely promises, and naive attractions. Well, he did not regret bending to his knees for someone since he has always quoted to his friends, “It is better to be loved and lost than never to be loved at all,” but he never expected his love to turn into a painful memory which would hurt and haunt him for the rest of his life. While his mind was struggling to subdue all kinds of unfounded fear, distrustful doubt, insecure jealousy and hidden anger, his heart was powerfully pounding with a mantra.“Mustafa, don’t let her go, Mustafa don’t let her go……”. His heart kept incessantly repeating.Brazenly defying the logic he reached at after almost three hours of persuasive arguing and thirty minutes of ascetic contemplation, Mustafa finally distanced himself from the gloomy wall and gingerly walked towards the sofa where Hilal was sitting, nonchalantly fiddling with her bangles. She sat up straight the second he seated himself right next to her with his eyes lowered. Hilal was the girl whom Mustafa had fallen in love with. She was one year older than Mustafa but he seemed to find her as his “perfect partner” and an “ideal soul-mate”. Hilal was genuinely sweet, moderately sensitive and extremely close to her family. For him, she was beautiful like a spring sunshine, mystical as a winter moonlight, frivolous as a child’s giggle, restless as a butterfly and colorful as a butterfly. Breaking the odd silence in the room, he looked up and made a fierce eye-contact with her. She returned his gaze with sheepish severity. Finally, he mustered up the courage to speak to her.“Hilal, is this your final decision?”. He asked firmly.“Yes”. She replied in a reserved tone. “ Are you sure about this? I mean you don’t want to think even one last time?. He questioned with a renewed hope and lingering doubts in his voice. “ Well, I guess I have to say yes this time as well.” She incisively answered.“ Oh! I see…” He said in a mocking way. Frustration and contempt began to soar in their conspicuously uncomfortable conversation. “Our relationship is over, it is just so over.” Hilal blurted out in order to knock some sense into Mustafa’s brain. To her, he was immature, irrationally emotional and was toying with his heart at a very early age. She carried on with her facts and figures pertaining to the real world.“ Why don’t you understand that this relationship has no future. Mustafa, we just can’t be together. It is better to face the truth now instead of being remorseful later. I have explained my position to you so many times that my parents will never tolerate their daughter getting involved with some guy. They cannot stand that. I know you love me but they love me too and perhaps they love me the most in this world. Please, I don’t want to ramble on over all the reasons again and again. This is not the first time I am explaining my position to you but I sincerely hope it will be the last.” Mustafa stood up and moved away from her. Every word she uttered came as a stinging blow to his delicate mind. He had a wry grin on his face and his eyes protruded in utter disbelief. Hilal immediately noticed voracious agitation hovering above him and unguarded rage boiling inside him, but he did not lose his composure and tried to appear calm. He somehow firmly held the gallop of his anger. She got up and stood delicately beside him and gently patted at his back.“Listen to me, look at me Mustafa”. Hilal muttered slowly, her voice sounding as soft and soothing like a lullaby.“I am listening.” He responded icily as if he was the villain in the story.“It’s hard for me as well to leave you but I am doing all this ….”“Oh just knock it off!” he abruptly interrupted raising his voice in a disconcerted tone.“Okay, I know, I understand---I mean kind of.” Mustafa continued but with patience this time and being meticulous at the choice of his words. “Now you listen to me, I do completely understand your concerns but I don’t want to care about them right now. All I know and all I care about is You because I Love you Hilal and will always love you. I really do----with all my heart. He paused and looked at her with such tenderness and compassion in his eyes that it could have melt away anybody’s heart but unfortunately she does not seemed to have been touched by his confession. Or she was concealing her emotions under the veil of forced apathy and phony insensitivity.“You want commitment..huh?” He asked trying to reach some sort of agreement with her.His condition was not the best spectacle to watch. She had the lurking fear of losing her self-confidence and getting collapsed in front of him and that she could not afford to do at any cost. She came with one and only one objective in her mind and that was to end the relationship for good. Thus regaining her conviction in the belief of her cause, she began to approach the door. Mustafa hurriedly followed her.“I love you, Hilal, Please don’t go.” Mustafa pleaded with dignity like a wounded tiger.“I love you too, Mustafa, but please let me go.” Hilal said fighting back the tears welling up in her eyes.“Take care of yourself. Bye”. With that last resounding note, she left him all alone. Three months later, she went abroad for further studies, then presumably got married to some top-notch engineer or doctor, just as her parents desired. “How typical and predictable”, he sighed with resentment.He still vividly remembered his last confrontation with Hilal which was an eight years old deal now. A thing of his gloomy past but he did not forget her. He tried hard but was unable to find solace and comfort in somebody else. Luck and his hard-work has made him a successful businessman now, but he had suffered the greatest loss before even coming into this field. Losing a beloved was more than a catastrophe, instead it was a tragic reality which he had to face every single day. He never stopped enjoying to cherish all the memorable moments spent with Hilal and he also started to willingly bear the pain and anguish of separation which he relived so often.“Why does love hurts so much?” He questioned himself in a heart-wrenching way.“Forget it, let it hurt Mustafa.” He intentionally did not answer his same old question himself. Hushing away all his timeless worries under the pillow, he lay down on his bed, grabbed his I-Pod, slid the hold button to the left side and smoothly pressed play.Whatever happens I’ll leave it all to chanceAnother heartache another failed romanceOn and onDoes anybody know what we are living forI guess I’m learningI must be warmer nowI’ll soon be turningRound the corner nowOutside the dawn is breakingBut inside in the dark I’m aching to be freeThe show must go on.Oh my Queen, not again … he sardonically laughed and turned his I-Pod off.
http://www.chowk.com/articles/11546
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